Hungry and Unhappy

Pat Joyce_Try_CC
© Pat Joyce via Flickr

Almost three months without a post doesn’t seem like a good start, at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. But the more I consider the gap the more I’m sure it’s exactly what I needed. When I first posted I was certain this blog would be about my debt, my insurmountable debt. I said full debt repayment was at the top of my list. I made proclamations about lessons learned and shared numbers that made my vision blur. I was serious. I am serious. But about what? The drive behind this space stuttered and stopped because that first post made me pull back and examine what I am doing overall with my life.

I tried to write a follow up post and sketched out ideas the same day my first post went up. I wrote, deleted, wrote, deleted and wrote some more without ever finding my footing. My notions of devising and applying an aggressive debt repayment plan were hollow. The more I plotted the more my morale plummeted and left me feeling removed from who I’m learning I am. Living paycheck to paycheck, my life is made up of constant calculations that often fall short. The community where I work and live neither nurtures my creative in/output nor aligns with my value set. I can see no future from this vantage point. I’m hungry and unhappy in my current state and can find no way to satiate these feelings if I remain unchanging.

So I’m calling a mulligan and declaring this post a do-over. Debt will be discussed, glared at and wept upon, but for now it will not be the primary focus. Because as much as I would like for it to be my sole focus immediately, I know it cannot be. How can I focus on the bigger points in my life, develop myself personally and professionally, when I don’t even have the smaller points sorted out? It’s simple, I can’t.  So, I’m taking my blinders off and focusing on bettering myself in ways that go beyond finances.

To start, here are some of my current goals:

2 Small Goals by end of May
Re-write resume and cover letter after repeatedly putting it off.  
Yep, still putting it off.
Run a Sub-40 5K Done, 38:28.  I’m slow but I’m not finished yet.

1 Medium Goal by end of July
Clean up, restore my Schwinn WorldSport bike. She’s scuffed, dusty, rusty, and in need of some long overdue TLC.  Trying to complete under $160 budget. 
Almost fully disassembled.  Still researching replacement parts/costs.

1 Large Goal by November
It’s kind of a big deal and a lot will change for me once I follow through.  Happy anxious feels are real and once I’ve got a solid plan in place, I’ll post about it.  This goal comes with a hard out of November 12th, 2017.